If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
