I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
