it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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