Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
