i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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