im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
