I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
