Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
