he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
