i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
