If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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