Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
