you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Everything about him screamed your future.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
