You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
