I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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