Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
