I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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