but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
