Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
