...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
