There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
