How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
