he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
