took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
