It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
