Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
