How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
