I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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