Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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