I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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