so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
