I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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