so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
