she looked like the before picture.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
