I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
