my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
