Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
