this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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