So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
