I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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