Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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