Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
