Define "chronic" masturbator.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
