I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
