she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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