Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
