Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
