Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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