i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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