i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
