I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
