PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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