He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
