I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
